Do yourself a favor, swipe left

If you were to ask me what my favorite movie is, I'd say Becoming Jane. I identify a lot with this tragic love story written as a biographical telling of Jane Austens' life.  It's said that her novel Pride and Prejudice was a reflection of her own life written by herself. There's really only one major difference between the two. In her novel, the main heroine ends up putting her pride aside and she goes off to start her life with the man she loves. In the movie, Jane, not only losses the love of her life, but dies unmarried, never really knowing what it's like to be loved. Perhaps it was her own pride that kept her from perusing a life with Tom Lefroy, perhaps it was that she cared to much for him and the thought of him ruining his reputation to be with her made her feel like a burden she didn't want to be. Perhaps in the end she never felt good enough to be with him, but knowing she would never settle for anything less, she rather die a lonely successful writter than live selfishly with him, keeping him from reaching his full potential.
So where am I going with this? For Jane, it was her lack of credentials that kept her from feeling like she deserved the love she wanted. For me it's my Crohns. Crohns keeps me guarded. I love the person I am and I have plenty of self-worth to know that I deverve nothing less than what I want. On the other hand, I know that I am a lot to take on and If you dont have Crohns or anyother illness, you dont know what I mean. Ive had plenty of people like me, but Ive only ever made one grand gesture to someone and it didnt work out. It was junior year, to a friend I had known sense 6th grade. I haven't seen him in two years, but I still consider him one of my best friends. He made me laugh and I felt totally myself around him. I have never put myself out there like that again. Now, being that I've grown up and my life is different, I find it even harder to find someone. I worry that if I find my Lefroy I will end up like Jane, staying away because I don't want my issues to be a burden. Im not your average girl, I'm not even your average Crohnie. I have a very different mindset than my peers. I want to be with someone who understands what I have to go through, someone who can teach me things, someone who I am proud to show to my parents, someone who encourages and supports me, somone who will laugh when, in a moment of silence, Ursula farts, someone who will let me eat all the desert, and take me on a motorcycle ride, but most of all someone who I can just be myself with. I don't care if you're fat, or if you didnt go to college and become the best at something. I am in no way perfect, and I'm happy to admit it, so why do I let it keep me from running off into the sunset like Elizabeth? I guess because it's eaiser to become Jane.